Guys, I don’t know if you watched GT vs CLEM, but at halftime the “DR. LOU” segment, was really just a “LOU PEP TALK” in disguise!
FYI - I was pretty worried about USC chances ... THEN LOU gave him the KISS OF DEATH by giving him the old PEP TALK ...
WHY DID U CALL DR. LOU TRESSEL? MISTAKE of EPIC PROPORTIONS!That was Jim Tressel, the snappily attired Ohio State coach, asking the question during ESPN’s halftime segment of the Georgia Tech-Clemson game.
Switch to Lou Holtz, in a white OSU shirt and red cap, standing in a pretend locker room, giving one of his famed pep talks between his set of teeth that appear to fully purchased but losing adhesive by the second, demonstrating, for fun, how he’d fired up the Buckeyes players before their home game Saturday against USC:
INSERT NEIL YOUNG WATCHING THIS ON TV - MY MENTAL COMMENTS INCLUDED FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT
“Men, I’m excited, we’re gonna play the University of Spoiled Children ... better known as USC,” Holtz started, with notecard in hand.
NY PAUSES: “AS OPPOSED TO THE UNIVERSITY OF MOLESTED ALTER BOYS - WHERE YOU USED TO DILLY DALLY AROUND?”
resume “DR LOU”
We have a tradition of winning here at Ohio State but that tradition’s been tarnished recently as we’ve lost five straight games to teams ranked in the Top 5. I’m not going to document our disappointing performance of each game, but that has to change and it will change today.
NY PAUSE
NO NEED TO RECOUNT IT, ALL THE PLAYERS HAVE ESPN. THEY HAVE BEEN RECOUNTING THE TOP 5 LOSES ALL SUMMER LONG.
resume “DR LOU”
“The one thing we will not do is be intimidated by any opponent or any situation, whether it be in football or whether it be in life. I learned that from Woody Hayes.”
“We’re playing Southern Cal in the Rose Bowl for the national championship. They had a back by the name of O.J. Simpson.”
NY PAUSE, “THEN THEY MUST HAVE MURDERED YOU GUYS, RIGHT?”
resume “DR LOU”
“I coached the defensive backs, and Woody Hayes told me, ‘He better not score a touchdown.’ In the second quarter, O.J. takes a handoff on their own 20 yard line and goes 80 yards for a touchdown. I’m up in the press box, Woody Hayes is on the sideline. I go in the locker room at halftime, the first thing that happened, he came running up to me, strategically placed his left hand on my jugular vein and squeezed my eyes about that big.”
NY PAUSES, “LOU YOUR LUCKY IT WASN’T 30 YEARS LATER. IT WOULD OF BEEN O.J. BUSTING IN THAT LOCKER ROOM TO STRANGLE YOU ...“where’s that BITCH NICLOLE!” he’d shout!”
resume “DR LOU”
“Now you really gotta understand coach Hayes, he really meant me no physical harm. He just wanted to make sure he had my undivided attention. And he hollered: ‘Why’d O.J. go 80 yards?’ I said, ‘Coach, that’s all he needed. If the ball was on the 10, he woulda gone 90.’”
NY PAUSES, “LOU I THINK THE BETTER RESPONSE WOULD HAVE BEEN, “coach< next time why don"t U COME OFF THE SIDELINE, and make the tackle!”
resume “DR LOU”
“We were down 10-0,” Holtz continued. “But we would not be intimidated. We came back to win the national championship, 27-16.”
“Men, tenacious defense, and a will to win, a man refused to be bought cannot be bought
NY pauses “THAT DOESN’T MEAN HE STILL CAN’T BE KILLED THOUGH DOES IT?”
resume “DR LOU”
Justin Bourne and I could hold any man down in this room, the two of us.
NY PAUSES: “So Justin Bourne can hold any man down in this room: THE 1 OF HIM!
resume “DR LOU”
But if you go into an insane asylum
NY PAUSES: “This is exactly what you should be doing LOU!”
resume “DR LOU”
, a guy goes berserk, it takes seven attendants to put a wild man in a straight jacket. I’m not a great mathematician
(just leave that 1 alone NEIL!)
, but if we had 11 wild men on defense, they need 77 people on offense in order to block us.”
NY /pauses, “WILL THERE EVERY BE A SNAP TAKEN IN THIS THEORY GAME OF YOURS, THEIR OFFENSE HAS 77 MEN ON THE FIELD; YOUR defense is BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS AND CAN’T STAY ONSIDES!”
resume “DR LOU”
“You have to ask yourself: If not me, who? If not here, where? If not now, when?”
NY Pauses, “LET’S SEE, I KNOW WHO’S ON FIRST, WHERE IS PLAYING RIGHT FIELD I THINK ... WHEN ?ARE PITCHING AND CATCHING(today and tomorrow) DOES THAT QUALIFY AS AN ANSWER COACH?
resume “DR LOU”
“You’ve got to persevere. We all know about Abraham Lincoln and the trials and tribulations he overcame. And we all know about Thomas Edison and how he persevered. And we all know how Ben Franklin refused to lose.
NY Pauses, “EXCUSE ME LOU, BUT THESE ARE OHIO STATE KIDS, I DONT THINK THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT COUNTRY THOSE MEN ARE FROM!”
resume “DR LOU”
And you ask me, ‘What about Victor McManus?’ Who’s he? HE’S A GUY THAT QUIT THAT’S WHY NOBODY EVER HEARD OF HIM!’”
NY pauses, “VICTOR McMANUS? Isn’t that VINCE McMAN’s REAL NAME? I think we only don’t remember his name, because he changed it. I’M NOT SURE HE QUIT, I THINK HE JUST FIXED THE OUTCOME AND COLLECTED A CHECK”
resume “DR LOU”
“We aren’t gonna quit. We are gonna persevere. And we’re gonna whip the University of Spoiled Children today, let’s go!”
NY pauses, “I CALL THAT A FRUEDIAN SLIP ... they taught you well how to whip children at Notre Dame”
A tagline: Mark May, in the ESPN studio, has predicted a three-TD victory for USC. ... Holtz is beside himself!
