The Not Top Ten - Week 11

10. Ann Arbor is a whore

I will never forget after Forcier’s third start the ESPN announcer saying, “Tate Forcier reminds me of a young Fran Tarkenton.”  Well they are both white and play football, so he was close.

9. Tu-Lame

I know I have been aggressively ripping this team like they stole my bike when I was eight years old, but the hits keep on coming.  Andre Anderson touched the ball 14 times and had negative two yards.  Anderson was a bigger letdown than Air Bud 2: Golden Receiver. 

8. Jersey Joe

With a punch-drunk Syracuse team all but ready to lay down it seemed like this was going to be a big day.  What a colossal disappointment. Ray Rice should track down Martinek and company and go George Brett ‘Pine Tar’ incident on them. 

7. Malkovich, Malkovich

Marshall’s Darius Marshall broke a few hearts this past Saturday.  With many out there in the heat of the playoffs he was listed as the dreaded ‘game time decision’ and decided to sit it out right before kickoff.  When was the last time light jogging made anything better?  Either you’re ready or you’re not. 

6. Colors ≠ Mascots

The Stanford Cardinal owes Toby Gerhart an apology.  His 4 TDs weren’t enough thanks to the bumbling bunch of choke artists he plays with.  He deserves a trip to New York for the Heisman presentation.

5. The Cupcake Diet

Kansas built up their program with wins over FCS teams and Sun Belt victims.  Serves them right that it’ll end for the unraveling Reesing and man-boobed Mangino next week when they’re devoured by the Mizzou Tigers. 

4. Boomer…tba

The OU running game fell apart like my third grade papier-mâché sombrero.  At least my fans went into that with low expectations. 

3. Belated Bayou

For many who missed the playoffs a few players can be blamed.  Ladarius Green missed the better half of a month with injuries and now that I can’t receive his points, he goes off for 7 catches and 131 yards.  I’m not bitter.

2. Fantasy Graveyard

The Big Ten needs to figure out a way to make their college football and basketball more fantasy friendly.  Maybe a 4 point line for hoops, and the adoption of a few Arena league rules for conference play.

1. Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, and….Dodge!

Riley Dodge was going up against an Army defense comprised of student soldiers who agreed to go to a service academy while two wars were going on.  And you thought it was hard to recruit at Washington State!  The fact that he scored one touchdown in a 17-13 loss is cause for fantasy rioting.