The Not Top Ten - 2009 Season Recap

10. AA

My name’s Bill, and I drafted Andre Anderson…”Hi Bill.”  The poor man’s Matt Forte turned out to just be poor.  He ruined many a draft.

9. Technically Screwed

Thanks to mediocre quarterback play and a quick hook from Mike Leach the Texas Tech fantasy well finally dried up.  Potts-Sheffield-Doege will live in fantasy infamy.

8. Biloxi Blues

Fans in Southern Mississippi had high expectations for the Golden Eagles big three.  Fletcher, Brown, and Davis offered up a rousing highlight tape of injuries and disappearing acts.

7. I Can Make it Juicy for Ya

I’ll keep this one brief.  Juice sucks.  Benn sucks.  Fire Zook.

6. Eat more Wheaties

Sam Bradford, Robert Griffin, Darren Evans, Matt Grothe, the list goes on and on.  I’ll be glad to see the end of this injury riddled season.

5. Mississippi Burning

McCluster went from fantasy dud to a stick of dynamite to salvage his season.  The same can’t be said for Jevan Snead.  He was truly unwatchable. He made JaMarcus Russell look accurate this year.

4. Slim (T. Boone) Pickens

The Pokes big three of Robinson, Dez Dez, and Hunter typified a down year for the Big XII South.  Z-Rob’s putrid final performance against the Sooners will likely cause another Mike Gundy meltdown.  “I’m a man! I can throw against zone coverage!”

3. Balls!

Ball State was supposed to have a down year, but MiQuale Lewis took a few steps back…and kicked fantasy owners in the junk.  The mighty might straight up disappeared for weeks at a time, and derailed more than a few drafts.

2. Say car RamRod!

I don’t blame the up and down nature of 19 year olds like Tate Forcier.  I blame the clown of a coach running roughshod over a hundred years of Michigan football tradition.  If you’re going to install a, clear my throat for this, gimmick offense it better damn work!  Chad Henne was a better fantasy option in the “pro style” (read ancient) offense.

1. Tight doesn’t mean cool

This was a bad year for tight ends from the beginning.  Those risk takers who snatched up Gronk got burned.  Gresham’s knee blew up like a pumpkin with an M-80 in it.  And the rest of the crowd was nothing special all year.  Where have you gone Dallas Clarks of the world?